Okay. Let's see. The last time I posted was Thursday. It's now Tuesday. Woah. Okay. So Thursday night I had the worst binge of my life and gained four pounds the next day. I felt so completely horrible. My boyfriend showed up at my door a little before 8 on Friday morning. So we hung out all day in between our routine fighting and sex. Woo hoo. He got drunk and whatever, blah, blah, blah. We got into a big fight because I had made plans to go see a movie with a friend (who is a guy) that night after he left and he flipped out and whatever. We ended up all going together because I told my boyfriend that the guy was gay (which he's not, but he could pass). He ended up staying the night. I had work on Saturday from 5-9. He stayed at my house until I got back. I was at work near the end of my shift pushing carts outside and suddenly he comes up out of nowhere smoking a cigar. He expected me to walk back with him. Ha! Right. My mom was going to pick me up but he told her not to. WTF. So I go back inside and clock out and I see that Jennifer is leaving. She offered us a ride and I said no and we went to look at cheese. Then I realized, once I got to the cheese, "What the hell am I doing? Free ride!" so I made him run with me outside to her car and we caught her just in time for her to give us a ride back. He slept over again. I had work on Sunday from 12-4. At this point I need to add some things in the story, like how while my boyfriend was here I was eating. Not quite normally, but enough to make him satisfied because he knows. But thank God I didn't binge in the least. Not that we have any food in the house now to do that. Also, I'd been taking my water pills a little less. Still at least once a day, but not four. Not even three. I was lucky if I could sneak in two times a day. So I went to work on Sunday at 12 and I hadn't eaten anything all day. But, I did go and take a sample of pineapple (which was one tiny piece of pineapple). Around 3 Jennifer asked me to go push carts, so I did. The parking lot was so crowded and every time I pushed carts, more and more people just took them away. I was so frustrated. People kept coming close to hitting me. Like, seriously, it's a fucking parking lot. The speed limit is 10MPH, not fucking 50. Jeez. So after a while I started to feel funny. I was out of breath and dizzy. I decided I need to go inside. I went home in half an hour anyway. So I go in and put my coat in the break room. My vision is all fuzzy and I feel like I'm looking through a tunnel. I go up to customer service and ask Jenn if I can sit down. She looks at me and asks what's wrong and I just go sit on the little stool on the side by the CoinStar. After she finishes helping a customer she comes over and asks me what's wrong. I told her I'm dizzy and I don't feel good. She asked what I ate and I told her I had a piece of pineapple. She offered to buy me a banana or an orange juice and I declined, thinking, "Are you crazy? I'm not eating in front of all these people." So she just looked at me and walked away. Another front-end person, Camille, came over and asked what's wrong. I told her I'm fine, I just need to sit for a minute because I don't feel good. She offered to get me some water and I said I'll be fine so she walked away. She actually went to get Dave, the assistant manager. So he comes over and tells me I don't look good and if there's anything I need. "Did you eat today?" I told him I ate right before I came in and that I just need to sit for a minute and I'll be fine. It started to get embarrassing because the other cashiers kept looking at me and asking what was wrong with me and talking about me. I finally decided I need to get up. So I did and I got some water from the water fountain and started bagging again. I felt a little better. I was fine. My shift ended fifteen minutes later and I went to clock out. Joe came in to get me and he told me my mom needed pasta sauce for dinner. I only had $11 and 10 of that was for his train ride back. I told him to go wait outside in the car so I can get my stuff from upstairs and get the sauce. He asked what was wrong and I told him I just didn't feel good and I was tired. I got a medium sized can of pasta sauce and went to check out at customer service because the registers were packed. Jennifer told me that I'm lucky I got up when I did because Dave wanted to call an ambulance. For what?! I said that's ridiculous because I didn't pass out or anything and I was fine but she said I scared the shit out of him. Whatever. She told me I should try to eat something with potassium in it, as if that's my problem. I said, yeah, sure, and left.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and it was so fucking crazy. Joe slept over again on Sunday night. We woke up and took a shower and whatever and then he was trying to find his biological brother who he was told was dead but someone had just told him he wasn't. So he found him on Facebook and messaged him and got a message back with a number to call. So he did. They talked and his brother is living all the way in Cape May, which is about 2-3 hours away from here at the very bottom of New Jersey. Then he told me I should go live with him and his brother. WHAT? I told him I don't know, that I just got a job and I was going to try to go to school in the fall here and I'm trying to get my life together after moving a million times in the last two years. Here goes another fight. Big one. Basically we fought off and on for the rest of the night and he told me he's breaking up with me because there's no way he'll be able to see me. Then he tells me he's going to move to Florida. Really. He really pissed me the fuck off. He left to go to the train station finally and I called him and we got into a huge fight again over the same shit and he started swearing at me and calling me out of my name and all that other good stuff. Then he was talking about going back to shooting heroin and all this other shit and killing himself, blah, blah. Whatever. By the end of the night we "made up" and I told him I would call him today when I woke up. I finally went to bed.
I woke up today and didn't call him right away (I usually wait a little bit). I weighed myself (lost a pound), took a shower, had my cigarette, la-de-da. My mom wants me to go food shopping with her in a while. Then I have work from 5-9. I'm relieved that Joe is finally gone because he was down my throat the whole time. There was a bunch of other shit that happened but there's just so many details that I don't feel like getting in to. I'll give you a few. My mom finally noticed that I was losing weight. Haha. Took her twenty pounds. She said, "Am, did you lose a couple pounds?" Yeah, just a couple. I told her I gained. She doesn't really care. That was that. Joe made a comment one night about the way I was eating and I got really upset about it. That's pretty much all I feel like posting for now.
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