Wow. Last night was crazy. My euphoric mood lasted until about 4:30 in the morning when I finally passed out. Let's see. I went in the bathroom at one point last night and got this idea that I needed to take pictures of myself. I rushed around the house looking for my mom's camera (which I actually broke, but I was praying it would work anyway). After thirty minutes of going crazy searching for it, I finally found it in my mom's purse. It still didn't work. Because I was so desperate to take pictures of myself, I convinced myself that all it needed were new batteries. I run up to my mom and go crazy telling her we must go out that very instant to buy AA batteries. She obviously says no. Her boyfriend was out still and I told her she needs to call him and tell him to pick some up on his way back. She said he won't be back until 10 and I said I don't care, I need, need, need these batteries. I go in the living room and start knitting a scarf because I just got some yarn back from my grandfather who untangled it. I hear the door open and her boyfriend comes in the living room and gives me a dollar that he owed me. I asked him if I can use his phone to take pictures and put them on Facebook. He agrees. I spend about an hour in the bathroom taking pictures and only come out with eight or nine that I approve of (out of about 100+). We spend forever trying to configure his phone to send them to my email and I put them up. I felt so good for some reason. I spend a couple hours on Facebook talking to people and then I get off around 12:30 in the morning. I'm so wired. I take more water pills. That makes it even worse. I go back in the living room and turn the TV on and knit my scarf. I'm rocking back and forth with my eyes pried open, and I'm sure I looked like a drug addict. I turned the TV off around 2:30 and put on my iPod instead. I felt so crazy. I put it on shuffle songs. I don't know all the words to all of the 966 songs on my iPod, but somehow, being as crazy as I was, I instantly knew every word to every song. So I sat there, continued rocking back and forth, eyes pried open still, knitting this scarf and lip syncing to the words. After another hour or so I started to zone out here and there and I got really confused, so I decided I needed to sleep. I couldn't stop shaking. I turned out the light and curled into a ball under my blankets and eventually fell asleep until about 1:00 this afternoon.
When I woke up I felt sore all over every inch of my body. I got up and did my routine: cigarette, bathroom, scale. I only lost a pound from yesterday, which was kind of upsetting because I wanted it to be more. I looked in the mirror and it looked like I gained five pounds. This made me upset. Regardless, I left the bathroom and went online after taking my morning water pills. I got a phone call from an old therapist and we talked for a while. I caught her up on everything. She was my therapist even before I got sick, and during, so she knows about everything. Right now I'm not sure what I feel like doing. I'm very indecisive lately. I guess I'll go knit my scarf or something, maybe watch some TV until the super bowl comes on. I don't watch football, but I love super bowl commercials.
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