The Emptiness

You know, it's really annoying starting the first paragraph of this stupid blog because it's pretty much the same every day.  When I woke up, if I lost/gained, what my plans are for the day.  It's probably really annoying to read every day.  So I'm going to try to stop that.  Because I highly doubt it matters what time I woke up.

I maintained today.  My social worker picked me up just after 12pm to take me to Planned Parenthood.  We got there and told them we're a walk-in and the first lady let us in.  But the second lady said we needed an appointment.  So my social worker was mad because she came all the way up here for nothing.  She wanted to see my brother when he got home from school and she didn't want to go all the way back down to another county and then come back up here later.  So we decided to go to a shopping center.  She wanted to go to Baby Depot for some reason.  So we looked at all the cute little crap there and then I told her I'm hungry (LOL).  She looked at me weird because she actually happens to know I'm struggling and then she agreed to take me to this little cafe like place in the shopping center.  Today is my third day of ABC so I'm allowed 300 calories.  Knowing this, I figured this would be my meal for the day because I doubt there would be much I could get for under 300.  I went in there and surprisingly they had a "light" menu.  The lowest thing on there was a parfait, but I didn't think that would satisfy my hunger for a whole day.  So I got tuna on a whole wheat bagel - just under 300.  It was good.  She brought me back and we talked to my mom (obviously not telling her we went to PP) and then she left.  I got ready for work.

I had work from 5-9 tonight.  I went in about fifteen minutes early.  My right foot is swollen and blistered all over so I was sort of limping the whole time because apparently blisters hurt really bad.  I went downstairs and the assistant manager, Dave, asked me to blow up pink balloons for Valentine's Day.  I did.  I went back to the floor and bagged.  Then Sabrina, one of the front-end managers (whom no one likes at all because she's a bitch), gave me a list of things to do.  Take back baskets, do returns, clean the bathrooms, take out the trash.  Fine.  I did it all.  I go back and bag some more.  There's practically no customers.  I asked my co-worker Shannon if there was anyone working that smoked because my mom didn't give me a cigarette before I got out of the car and I was supposed to go on break soon.  Some girl named Christi from the bakery was checking out something so she could go on break and Shannon told me she's the only one.  So I asked to bum a cigarette.  "How old are you?" Listen, I know I look like a prepubescent girl.  We don't need to rub it in.  "I'm eighteen."  She looked at me in disbelief.  "Yeah, I'll think about it."  Whatever.  Sabrina yells at me and tells me I can't be sitting around doing nothing (as if) or they'll cut my hours so I need to do something.  So gave me a basket of more crap to return.  That really annoyed me because of the way she said it.  As if I sit there all damn night doing nothing.  I bust my ass, thanks.  Ask anyone else.  You're just a bitch.  Rick, the "person in charge" (his actual title), came to save me.  He asked me to stock some shelves.  I thought that was so cool.  So I did.  Then I needed to go on break before I came back and did more.  I went up to the break room and grabbed my coat and water bottle and also the only form of ID I have to show Chrisi that I'm legal. She gave me a cigarette and I went outside.  Pretty much the rest of my night was spent stocking shelves, which I enjoyed actually.  It was time for me to clock out and I wanted to go look at low-calorie and fat-free foods.  Even though my mom was already waiting for me outside.  Who cares.  Fuck her.  I went for the hot dogs that are supposed to be 45 calories.  I only had $1.25 in quarters on me, so I obviously wasn't going to be able to buy them.  I rushed to the cheese, my favorite.  I found this 24-calorie Kraft Singles American Cheese Kelly told me about,  but it's something like $4.29 for a 24-pack of singles.  That fucking sucks.  I give up and decide I'll shop when I get paid on Friday.  I leave.

Nothing really interesting has happened since I've been home.  My mom and brothers started fighting about fighting with each other (ridiculous, I know).  I'm ridiculously sore, and I'm probably going to bed soon.  Tomorrow I can have 400 calories, so I think I will have a bowl of cereal and whole milk (unfortunately that's the only milk we have).  Maybe a piece of cheese for a snack or some salad, if there's any left.  Yup.